The More I See

The bar was set low
although it was Boyle Heights
his expectation for himself was of perfection
his explanation was a perfect pitch
he was to play to his upbringing
him to a bar to play violin strings
in East L.A. face to face with his past
father son and holy shit

Mirroring his visioning he begins to fade
the lights begin to dim and a darkening him
begins to reflect in a current that ignites a recognition
a voice to a scene scheme becoming

a Boyle Heights roiling observation
of his role playing to of all
things a Morrissey song of a dream he
now in a hesi…state, a date he shouldn’t make too late to…
now they’re playing, “So for once in my life,” he’s thinking twice
but his trio's now on stage
and the people there only care that they are there
to play Morrissey
he saw them and that and began to comprehend
no id, just why did, not didn’t do, did him

In a Boyle Heights moment … full
he had come, that was what would be…
his epiphany
but in this moment it was a cacophony
of his Mike catastrophes
the weight the audience the mike the back capacity
he should have heard it coming
another mike please to his set-up then the singer…

wasn’t him
to his notes he didn’t hit one
but for the higher notation to his life
expectancy for, “Good times for a change,” was a more I see
movement a then moment
it was over and he was out
the door the exit
into the dissonance he told himself and sold himself
it was the most humiliating…
for who did he think, … he was, before
now there on stage with a back problems back up

and out on the street he crowd sourced
his every thought into what it was not
he had sacrificed an obsession in a session
not in a psychologist’s office but on stage
at a stage in his life

it wasn’t martyrdom
his heart held
these were notes taken for a new hymn
that had brought him, … hear
the pow, and wow

how it all comes together
trailing not at your expense but trekking to a peak experience
when you’re there
where your thoughts

and your symphony is your surrounding
and your instrument
best thought